Let’s be honest, who among us has not hit rough patches? Those times make us feel as though the world has decided to fall apart around us and put us through some of the toughest challenges.
These setbacks serve as obstacles in most areas of our lives. For example, a fight with our parents, a job/university rejection letter. These struggles often incite a nagging, critical voice in our head saying, “you’re not good enough” or “you are a failure”.
As terrible as these setbacks feel, they’re actually an important sign of growth, not a sign of failure. This perspective feels strange, doesn’t it? Our culture emphasises on how we should always be “on top” of things and how our worth as humans is dependent on how well we do something.
But, hear me out. Progress has very little to do with perfection. Growth—a necessary ingredient in the tasty dish of success—comes from stumbling, getting back up, understanding what went wrong, trying again, and discovering something about yourself along the way.
Let’s figure out why setbacks are essential:
Setbacks are our teachers:
As humans, it is natural that we hope that our journey towards our goals is smooth sailing and that we can seek appropriate shelter if we do encounter storms along the way. We expect to reach our destination fully dry and unscathed. It also makes sense why we think that way! The uncertainty of trying something new is extremely anxiety inducing and clinging onto the hope of an idealised journey helps with that uncertainty.
When we’re trying something new, it is an unknown territory for us. We have no blueprint that is specific to who we are and what works with us. Thus, setbacks often serve as teachers. Discomfort, hesitations, and failures help us understand what works and doesn’t work specifically for us. The experience of having a setback opens up the opportunity of trying a different route which can feel more sustainable and make more sense with you. No two humans are exactly the same and thereby, no two people’s journeys can look exactly the same.
Sometimes a setback is a signal – a reminder to pause and ask ourselves some honest questions. Are we setting the bar too high? Are we neglecting our own need for rest or support? Are we pushing ourselves to impossible standards? Setbacks can be uncomfortable, but they also bring out these questions that often go unnoticed in the daily rush. When we stumble, it’s a chance to look closer and gain insights we might have missed otherwise-insights that can help us move forward with more clarity and self-compassion.
Growth isn’t linear:
There is a myth that growth should be steady and an upward line. True growth however, looks like a messy scribble. It is full of highs, lows, and plateaus. These moments help us understand what is working for us and what isn’t. These moments are indicators that you’re exploring, adjusting, and even unlearning practices that don’t work for you.
Think of it like going to the gym. You wouldn’t expect to lift the heaviest weight on the first try. We are guided to work up to it—with smaller weights first, despite feeling like it is too hard and impossible. Our strength develops slowly. Like our physical strength, our emotional growth also requires effort, strain, and feelings like we can’t go on. With each step, we’re slowly building a stronger, more resilient version of ourselves.
It can be helpful to remind yourself that the people you admire, those who seem “successful” or “put together,” are also facing their own setbacks—they’re just quieter about it. It’s not about pretending struggles don’t happen; it’s about recognizing that they’re an integral part of any meaningful journey. Embracing this mindset helps build resilience, flexibility, and a deeper understanding of yourself.
Here is how you can engage and navigate setbacks:
1. Pause and reflect: What went wrong? What about it didn’t work for you? If you could do it again, what would you do better? How much of the outcome was under your control? How much wasn’t? The answer won’t always be immediately clear, and that’s okay! These pauses help us understand ourselves and the situation better.
2. Acknowledge the emotions you’re feeling: It is painful and uncomfortable for us to experience setbacks—especially when we experience it in areas of our lives that matter a lot to us. Sit with those emotions and express them to anyone you feel comfortable with.
3. Celebrate small wins: Did you take a tiny step toward a goal, even if you felt anxious? Wins, no matter how small they seem, aren’t really small at all! They are the motivating forces towards the bigger goals we have and a big part of progress.
4. Connect with others: How often do we wish to run away where nobody can recognise us when we experience setbacks. It is a very normal experience, especially if you’ve been met with judgment before. However, talking about our setbacks with those we trust are important and helpful. We must ask for support when we need it.
5. Practice self-compassion: How would you compassionately talk to your friend if they experienced a set back? How would you support them through a hard time? Do you treat yourself in the same manner when you experience a set-back? If not—try practicing the same kindness you give others to yourself. Setbacks are a normal experience and there is nobody in the world who hasn’t experienced one.
As clichéd as it sounds, life isn’t about the destination, but about the journey. A constant state of success isn’t realistic in many ways. Struggling or experience setbacks doesn’t mean you’re failing, instead they’re teachers showing you how you’re in a process of growing, evolving, and becoming a more aware version of yourself.
If you’re facing setbacks right now know you’re not alone. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that each small step forward, no matter how challenging is bringing you closer to the person you’re becoming. Embrace the struggle learn from it and keep going because growth isn’t about having it all together, it’s about becoming someone who keeps showing up no matter what.
So, keep pushing forward. Each step is a victory, and your journey is worth every challenge. You got this!
